Sunday, January 24, 2010

Valentines Day!! AH, Bah Humbug??

Well, Maybe!

Although Valentines Day is a fabricated lover’s holiday; what would be possible in your relationship if you used this day to begin a daily ritual of heartfelt, creative thought and expression aimed at honoring your chosen partner as “The One”?

Where would I begin? I’m glad you asked!

Let’s take a look at some specific actions to find out.
Try these on:

As you awake in the morning, call to mind the characteristics that you most appreciate about your lover.
Tell them!

Make a list of what brings them the most joy in life?
Figure out how you can provide whatever is required to allow them to do exactly that!

Ask them to share something about their day!
Listen deeply to them!

If you begin to provide ways for your partner to have a great life; You Will Too!
Bill Paglia-Scheff
1extraordinarycoach@gmail.com

Monday, January 18, 2010

Familiar Situation with Coaching for all Ocassions

Dear Bill,
My husband and I divorced 6 months ago. But we're still living together because neither of us can afford to move out from our home. It's the one marital asset that we're hanging on to since we can't sell it and make enough to pay off our sizable mortgage. We've had many financial setbacks this year. I'm currently looking for work having been downsized from a previous position in the financial services industry, and his job is on shaky ground at best. Due to finances, we're still together, yet we want to be apart. We have 2 kids – pre-teens. Things are tense, we still argue and now I think we even have more resentment of each other because of being with each other and feeling trapped.
We want to move on with our lives. I want to go out and start dating again. We were "separated" for a year before the official divorce—but still living together then as well.
How can we move on with our lives when we're both still very much in each other's lives? I know he wants to date as much as I do, but it really isn't possible since we're still in the same home. Try explaining that to someone you might want to date.
How can we create a better atmosphere between us and our kids when we're all still in this together? And what do you think about dating? I need to move on—I want to be in a relationship. I don't know how to do that given these circumstances. Any thoughts?
Rachel from Reston

Bill responds ...
While reading about your situation I was struck with one thing -- your language!

No, you didn't use any swear words, but perhaps there were some toxic words in your description.
Changing your language may not necessarily alter any physical elements of your life immediately; however, it may make you feel more powerful and in charge of your life and begin to align you with what you say you want for yourself and your children.

Consider these examples:


Phrase: "We're still living together because neither of us can afford to move out."

Rephrased:"I have this great house to live in with the kids while I am reorganizing and creating my future!"

Phrase: "We've had many financial setbacks this year; I'm currently looking for work."

Rephrased: "I am actively creating the career of my dreams and money just comes to me effortlessly!"

Phrase: "We want to move on with our lives. I want to go out and start dating again."

Rephrased:"I am constantly moving toward my dreams and feel free to create and engage in a lifestyle that is best for me right now!"

If you could consider that your words follow your thoughts, and your actions follow your words, it may make sense to self monitor.
Pay close attention and alter your thoughts and words toward your clearest and highest chosen purpose, and then take on the joy of speaking, designing and taking actions that only support what you are truly seeking.
In any moment or situation; if you are feeling bad in any way, consider that a clue from your self that you are not aligned with your true intentions. If you are feeling good know that you are on the right path and celebrate the moment.

Bill Paglia-Scheff
860.209.9254

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Landscape Architecture

I was just on a conference call with some of the most amazing people on the planet. Each one of these folks are completely committed to providing access for others to have the most powerful intimate relationships on the planet. If you are wanting to express yourself in that realm you may want to investigate
Relationship Coaching Institute
on line and see where you can plug into this amazingly fulfilling career/life path.
We were just talking about the possibility of being in a committed marriage relationship in a way that would provide both individuals full self expression and also preserve and enhance the space and opportunity for the deepest experience of intimacy and expressions of love.
I mentioned, to them on the call, that I took my interpretation from a conversation I heard a man who shared his personal philosophy years ago in a seminar I was in. I heard what he said and it resonated deeply. I took it and made it my own through my vision of what he said. He said that he had found the ingredient to a super marriage and that what it was was that "he saw it as his personal responsibility to create a playing field on which his wife could live out her dreams and be fully self expressed".
I decided to take that on and to call myself a
"Relational Landscape Architect".
What that means to me is essentially the same thing as what I think I heard him say.
"In my marriage commitment and being my truest and biggest self, see it as my greatest honor, gift, purpose and loving responsibility to create the landscape that my beautiful wife can fulfill and express herself through her personal desires, dreams and passions without constraint".
Please know that this took some doing and active self awareness and ardent training and application practice.
Before this noticing, I was really only out to get my needs met and for someone to do whatever was required to give me the space to be all I could be and.... to be OK with that and to not expect to much from me blah, blah, blah... under the guise of being a loving caring partner.
Seeing as that did not keep me in two possibly successful marriages ,I thought that maybe this time, married to a truly amazing woman, that I had better put my all in to living my new philosophy to the fullest.
The results were and are really amazing!
Certainly, at times and often at first, I still fell back to my old patterns of feeling as though I was not getting my share sometimes and holding against her for not providing the same for me and it was frustrating, buuuutttttttt... with continued patience with myself, continued awareness of how I was being, practice, vision and commitment to have the greatest marriage on the planet I stayed with it and am living, ecstatic proof that, for me, this is the only way to live. It has proven unfailingly successful in every relationship of all kinds throughout and within my life.
!!!I Think It Can Work For You, Too!!!
Naturally, you might think that this is to giving and that there is no way to get what you need or want or to meet your requirements for your marriage.
Quite frankly the opposite is true!
You will get more than you ever imagined possible as a result of the world
you create for your love to exist within.
Don't take my word for it, try it and let me know how it works!
If you need help or support let me know!
1extraordinarycoach@gmail.com

Give Love!

Let Love Give You Life!
There is only one thing that you don't have to imagine or struggle to keep alive
-- and that is what you authentically love.
Guy Finley