Sunday, May 24, 2009

Some Things You Can Do! Part One

I meet and talk to people each and everyday who tell me that they are not satisfied, in one or more ways, with how their lives are going, that they can't find the right person to be in love with or that the relationships they are in are not right, happy or easy. Often, they truly believe that things are the way they are because of the way life is.

In other words, that the circumstances of life somehow control their thoughts and actions and thus their personal destiny and daily experience.

Many people live this way and have it that this is the TRUTH regarding the way their life works. If this were the real truth, you may wonder how different individual people can each have their own individual reactions to the same set of circumstances at any given moment in time.

Have you ever been witness to a car accident on the highway as it happens? You may be one of ten or twenty people that sees what takes place in that moment. What is your reaction? Some people choose to pull over to get out of the way, some stop immediately right where they are, others get out and help, others cry and yet others pass by as if nothing has happened. It is so that each person reacts differently and what I am impressing here that there is a unique set of thoughts and choices that runs through each persons mind in order to come to the variety of conclusions for "what do I do now" either consciously or unconsciously. The circumstance is the same, the thought and reaction is different and the results of the life for each person are determined by their thought interpretation and action in the very moment. So, based on this simple example, it would seem that the equation here could be turned to reflect a more accurate and powerful way of creating a life experience for oneself.
Your Thoughts, Interpretations and Actions in any moment, regarding any circumstance determines the Results of your life experience.
This is Good News, You Have a Choice!

When I ask people, what are they willing to do in order to have a great designed life for themselves or to have the love relationship of their deepest desire, I often get a blank stare or if they do speak an answer it is usually one of despair or resolve that there is really nothing to do. This is a sad experience for both of us in the conversation. We often don't think that there is anything to do except deal with it the way it is and continue to put on that we are not upset or frustrated and go about our lives as if nothing can be done to alter our experience of life. Maybe our minds work repetitively and run continuously, like a never ending tape loop, to come up with a "new" answer that will solve the dilemma once and for all and then we will finally be happy or in a great romantic love affair. Well, if this sounds or feels familiar, then your in luck because you have two elements of a positive solution going for you of what you need that can make everything you desire available to you.

Your mind and your desire!
These are two key elements!

With these active ingredients you can create the life of your dreams and have a completely joyful experience of life. You will just need to do some simple reprogramming and then practice using the program like it is a matter of your life.
Check in tomorrow for What you can Do - Part Two - Writing The New Program

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Valid Excuses For Not Getting Married?

Sarah from Colorado Asks:

We've been in a relationship for 5 years. We're both in our thirties. We've talked about getting married and we both want that but it seems like John (not his real name) always has an excuse for not moving forward.
We started living together a year ago to save money. He's concerned about his job given the current economics. And, I'm concerned with mine, too. I'm a flight attendant--my work is not steady. He has a lot of credit card debt (and I have a few thousand) and that is weighing heavy on him. He doesn't want to have a wedding that is not our dream wedding. He says it's a once-in-a-lifetime event and he wants it to be memorable for us and our parents and friends. He thinks we need a lot of money, time for planning it, and the right circumstances to move forward with this important part of our lives. This has been going on for two years.
I'm concerned there will always be an excuse.
What do I do?
What are the legitimate "excuses' for not getting married?
It seems like people get married all the time--life problems and all. Some people never get out of debt. I understand his concerns, but are these reasons for not getting married?
What's your advice?

Bill's Coaching in Response
Sarah,
In my response, I assume that you are certain that John actually wants to marry you and be married at all.
If the money issue is the main or only item that is the stop to being married, based on your expression of these things being “excuses,” it seems like the two of you may not have the same emphasis or import regarding your finances. Therefore, I also assume that you individually and/or together have not created a formal, written plan to manage your financial agreements. Forging one together would provide the following important visions and actions; allow you to formulate a precise, transparent goal reflecting when you will be free and clear from those previous monetary agreements, provide the framework for your lives, on a daily basis, allowing you to live in possibility as you stride toward the completion of your goal and provide an effective guide for managing any new agreements that you may want to enter into separately or together, including the wedding costs, regardless of what type of event it will be.
The very next thing that I suggest that you do together, however self serving this may seem, is engage a relationship coach. This will be the wisest investment you can make given the “current economics.” Together you will work to uncover and develop the requirements, needs and wants that are significant for both of you. You will discover tools, set the stage for the beginning of your created life together and begin the building of a lifelong profound intimate relationship. All the Best!

Bill Paglia Scheff

1extraordinarycoach@gmail.com